My intention has always been to breastfeed Lilly for one full year.  Little did I know how difficult it would be.  Breastfeeding Lilly the day she was born was an overwhelmingly joyous experience.  That first week was a bit tough because, like anyone else starting out, Bill and I didn’t know if she was getting enough to eat, latching properly, etc., but lactation consultants at the hospital assured us that things were going very well.

Our pediatrician’s first home visit raised some concerns because Lilly had lost a little more than 10% of her body weight.  Because of this we scheduled another appointment for later in the week, at which she had only gained 1 oz. (should have gained 3-5).  The jumped-to explanation for her insufficient weight gain was a low milk supply, and the pediatrician asked us to supplement with formula while my supply increased.  I was devastated but determined to increase my supply.

Since that appointment we have been on an uphill battle with breastfeeding.  I have seen 3 lactation consultants and a La Leche League rep., rented a hospital-grade pump, weighed Lilly before and after every feed, pumped for 15 minutes after every feed, used a Supplemental Nursing System for 3 weeks, taken every herbal supplement available as well as a Rx medication (Reglan), eaten as much as possible, slept as much as possible, de-stressed as much as possible, and done everything in the book that one can do to increase their milk supply (needless to say I could not have done all of this if Bill was working).  While my supply has increased, I still am not able to produce enough to feed her on breast milk alone.  Ends up that the reason for the low supply is not biological but due to the way Lilly sucks.  She has a weak suck and definitely takes her time when eating!!!

I had been breast and bottle-feeding at each feed for about two weeks when Lilly seemed to catch an extreme case of nipple confusion.  Since I had to cut out one of the options and don’t have enough milk for her, I have been bottle feeding her during the day and am giving her as much pumped breast milk as I can.  I’m still doing both at night because she is half-asleep.

I was pretty distraught about this for quite some time in the beginning but have definitely come to terms with it.  It is impossible not to wake up each day with joy in my heart when I see the smile on my beautiful, healthy, happy girls’ face.  In the end, all that matters is that I am there for her 100% and making sure she is getting proper sleep and nutrition.  Hopefully when we have another child the breastfeeding will work out for both of us!